Bob Dreizler's Resources: The Lost Scrolls of Nostradamus
The Lost Scrolls of Nostradamuse
Nostradamus, the bearded sixteenth century soothsayer, has been getting a lot of press lately, particularly near grocery checkout lines. Who could have predicted that he would still be famous four centuries after his death? Only Nostradamus, that's who.
The accuracy of Michel Nostradamus' visions continues to amaze even the most gullible. But an astonishing discovery has come to light that is certain to enhance his reputation ten-fold.
Early in 1991 an American Army reservist looking for Saddam Hussein's secret bunker found a mysterious ox hide pouch inside an Iraqi cave. It contained three parchment scrolls inscribed with indecipherable calligraphy. Back home in Indianapolis, his fiancée, a community college French teacher, painstakingly translated the quatrains (four line verses) into English.
She was startled to discover that these were the legendary "Lost Scrolls of Nostradamus". These ancient manuscripts predicted wars, famines, plagues and natural disasters, but how hard are those to predict? "As easy as spearing eels in a wine cask," Nostradamus was fond of saying.
His true genius, however, was verified in "The Lost Scrolls". Not only did he predict that the existence of his scrolls would be disclosed 438 years after they were written, but he describe current trends, technology and celebrities in vivid detail.
His knowledge of modern food was incredibly accurate. He envisioned Lite beer, sun-dried tomatoes, processed cheese food and even Gummy Worms.
One of his rare double quatrains foretold of the modern supermarket:
The populace will acquire their provisions in a large cavern-like structure, Against the north wall will be the harvest of the Earth, On the opposite wall will be fruits and vegetables from distant lands, The far wall holds beasts and fish - all encased in a clear pliable covering. At the center will be numerous packaged foods, preserved by water, frozen solid, Row after row will hold supplies stored in colorful containers that will last a millennium, Special sections will contain provisions for small animals and poison for vermin And Aisle Eight will contain an incredible variety of feminine hygiene products.
Today's fashions would not surprise the sixteenth century psychic. One of his verses makes allusions to pump-up tennis shoes, tie-dyed tee shirts, reversible belts and stirrup pants. Though not mentioned by name, he also described contemporary celebrities with precise accuracy, including Dick Cheney, Katie Couric, and Regis Philbin.
Savvy investors would have made millions had they known the contents of the lost quatrains. He suggested buying IBM in the 1950s and investing in quick-lube franchises during the 1990s. In perhaps his best financial prediction, he said, "the most highly paid citizens will be very tall men who play ball while wearing very short pants."
Nostradamus also described numerous high-tech devices such as laptop computers, fax machines, personal watercraft vehicles, and portable leaf blowers. Sadly, he warned, these machines would ultimately contribute to the extinction of the human race.
These visions so disturbed Nostradamus that he vowed to write no more. Instead of prognosticating he used his creative energies to start a lucrative multi-level marketing business. His final and most startling quatrain, however, has now been found:
At millennium's end, those living in the Earth's most powerful nation will be ruled by machines. Clocks will tell a man when to rise. And to receive his daily coins, he must tell a machine a secret code. Each citizen will carry a small, black "talking-box." He will be forced to communicate with others even while riding in motorized carts and during public meals. I must stop now; I'm getting a terrible headache; I just can't believe this stuff will really happen.