Bob Dreizler's Resources: Observations of a Soccer Parent
Observations of a Soccer Parent
Every Fall weekend, our local parks swarm with children wearing colorful jerseys, shin guards, cleats and intense facial expressions. Soccer season has arrived.
For those of us who never played this game, the rituals of the kids and the compulsive behavior of some parents are an amusing part of the sport. For some players it's the goals and bodily contact that makes the game worthwhile. For others it's the team play and camaraderie that is most appealing. But some prefer the preparation to actually playing the game. Filling water bottles, arraigning pony tails properly, and evening out long socks are as crucial a pre-game activity as practicing goal kicks.
Once the game begins, twenty or more parents on each side of the field begin to cheer. Often, armed with absolute ignorance of the rules, they simultaneously chastise the referee and scream instructions to their kids thirty yards away. Their advice usually consists of yelling, "kick the ball," very loud.
As the ball approaches the goal box, parents squirm and their body English becomes more exaggerated. For the kids the game releases pent up energy, but for some parents their child's Saturday soccer game may be more stressful than a Monday at work.
Certain areas of our town are known for their dominating soccer programs. In our league one team has a particularly intimidating reputation. There is always a sense of anxiety before a game against these green-and-yellow-clad squads. Their consistent superiority spawns rumors among the parents on the opposite sideline.
Their fathers, known for their frenzied rooting, supposedly hold tape recorders playing soccer strategy tapes next to the wombs of pregnant mothers. Rumors have also circulated that players on this team are paid large sums of money for scoring goals. This could explain why ATM machines are specifically prohibited within 20 feet of goal boxes.
After the final whistle, players line up and sort-of-shake-hands with their opponents. In some leagues, this practice was temporarily suspended in the interest of good sportsmanship. Players on the other team (it's always the other team, of course) would sometimes say "bad game" instead of "good game", or slap hands too hard, or even spit on their hands before going through the line! That's what the girls did; the boys were worse.
I think it was Leo Durocher who once said, "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, and it's how good the treats are after the game." Maybe I expect these children-athletes to take their losses harder or to swim in the thrill of an exhilarating victory a bit longer, but as soon as the team runs off the field, they go straight to the containerized drinks and heavily packaged sweet treats. One refusologist has estimates that post-soccer game snack trash composes 2% of the bulk of Sacramento's landfills.
Despite my amusement with the strange rituals of youth soccer, I love to watch my daughter and son play. I try not to miss any of their games, though they usually play at the same time in different locations. But there's nothing like seeing one of them score a goal or make a game-saving defensive play to brighten up a gray Fall Saturday.
Soccer season traditionally starts on the hottest day in September and finishes on the coldest day in November. By that time most parents, kids, coaches and referees have had enough soccer. It's time for winter hibernation; time to close the shades, sit by the fire and wait patiently for Little League sign-ups.
Bob Dreizler is a Sacramento freelance writer, financial consultant and dual soccer parent
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